The Fight

July 8, 2016

What is happening? Where are we going?  When does it end?

Here’s the issue, we are confused. What makes it worst is, our back is against the wall with no answers being provided. It comes down to the old statement, Flight or Fight? But, where can we run if there is nowhere to run to? That leaves just one option, FIGHT! To my people, my Kings and Queens, fighting is the option but we have to be strategic. It is very clear that we have done everything we thought would work. We have marched, we have protest, and this go round we have killed. With all of those actions, NOTHING HAS CHANGED. The definition of insanity states doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I commend our people for attempting to do those previously stated actions. However, nothing has come from them, so it’s time to try something else.

We have to put ourselves in position for our voice to be heard. I love all the social media outlets and the hashtags, but what is that really doing? I scroll my social media’s and see the same post over and over. Guess what? The people who need to see these things do not follow you. What else can you do? Who can you honestly reach outside of the ones who feel just like you? We have to have composure and come together and speak to those who make decisions. But, composure is what we will need. There is a way to argue and a way to prove your point. The fact is, regardless if you want to agree or not, they see what is happening. I have to admit, being a person who knows police officers; it is very easy to point the blame to every police officer. They are human as well and have families to support. What just transpired in Dallas is definitely not going to change anything. Those cops who were injured and killed had nothing to do with the previous cases of killings by those that share the same badge. We are perpetuating the cycle and causing our voices to lose power by doing so.

We need to gain the knowledge and education to be able to become the people to make those decisions. We need our people to become the district attorneys to file the indictment of the officer. We need our people to become the judge that hears the arguments of both sides. We need to become the stand-up citizens to be chosen as a juror on the case. If we are not going to gain the education then we at least need to be front and center when it’s time to vote for those said people. We want change but post hashtags and not vote. We want change in a nation but it starts in your community first. Together, if we attack our individual communities, we become unified. Then we will begin to see the change that is needed. I’m reading the book titled “Your Best Life Now” and it states you need to “Become what you Believe.” This is the quote we need to focus on more than ever in this trying time.

I’m not agreeing or disagreeing with anything anybody decides to do. The truth is as a society what else did we think would happen? There has been too much blood shed. But, as a human I have to face the fact that violence begets violence. I don’t have all the answers, but I know something needs to change. To me, it begins with each and every one of us reaching out to those who make the decisions. Reach out to your mayor, your sheriff, police commissioner, district attorney, congressmen, etc. Bring the real world to their face and don’t allow them to hide behind a “statement” that they probably didn’t even write.

As a black man, I am terrified at this point to be an American. There was a quote they drilled in our head, “Proud to be an American.” The question stands now…am I even an American….?


Are you ready to move on?

June 23, 2016

Are you ready to move on?

Moving on from a relationship can be a very difficult task. It’s not the physical capability to move on but the emotional. How do you just throw away all of your feelings for a person? Were you truly in love if you can do so? The answer is no, you were infatuated.

“Human behavior flows from three main sources: desire, emotion and knowledge” –Plato

The first two, desire and emotion, are the strongest of the 3 above mentioned towards human behavior. It usually leads to a person becoming vindictive. Acting on the feeling of wanting to be vindictive is not moving on. Being vindictive doesn’t erase your feelings. It may suppress them for the moment but they are still there.

The truth is you cannot move forward in another situation until your feelings are gone from your past. Some may force the “new” partner to make them forget but once again that is only temporary. I’ve attempted this strategy before and it only led to hurting the “new” person. Without giving yourself time to officially rid your mental of the feelings of your past you will not be able to give 100% to anybody. That is not fair to the “new” person but more importantly it is not fair to you.

The scary part is, more so then not, everybody that is single is still attached to a past situation. For example, I will speak about myself. I know for a fact that I’m still in love with my ex. I want to be with my ex and spend the rest of my life with her. Although on paper, yes I am single, in my mental I am not. The brain is way more powerful than your physical. I accept the fact that I am single physically and not mentally. If I allowed my physical form of being single control my decisions it would only lead to more confusion. Confusion is what you want to avoid in any situation. When I meet “new” people I initially express the fact that yes I am single but I’m still dealing with my past. This works for me to allow a clear understanding that I am not prepared to give 100% to anybody else right now. Until I clear my mental of the feelings I have for my ex, moving on is not an option.

This is the first time I’m writing in a first person format. I’ve attempted to move on and it has failed drastically at every attempt. That’s how I personally knew it was not time for me to move on. Time heals all, this is true, but what if I don’t want to be healed? I wrote about chasing your dreams for a friend of mine as a feature on her blog. It led me to think about exactly what I was typing. Nothing or nobody should stand in the way of your dream. I am a dream chaser and I will not stop until my dream is caught.

My strategy might not work for all. But, the fact remains; if you still are emotionally attached to the past then you cannot move forward to the future…Sig1

Growing Pains

June 21, 2016

Growing Pains

Per Webster, Growing Pains secondary definition is the difficulties experienced in the early stages of an enterprise. Let’s replace enterprise with relationship and we can all agree that Growing Pains happens in every relationship. The question is how do you deal with them? Do you run or do you stay? Do you complain or do you fix it? Do you go with your brain or your heart?

Growing pains in a relationship can come in every shape or form. It could be small as a mustard seed or as large as Mount Everest. It can come in the beginning in the form of not knowing if you’ll are monogamous. Later in the relationship it can come in the form of cheating. It doesn’t matter the size of the pain the fact is it still is pain. Some have thicker skin than others. Some have a higher tolerance for pain.

This topic came up this past weekend while visiting my dad and his wife. While at lunch for father’s day they spoke about growing pains. It was a positive conversation as I left understanding this happens no matter the age or no matter the relationship. They have been together for 16 years and expressed to me they still go through the growing pains. My step mother actually stated “We’ve had issues to the fact I don’t want him to touch me.” She then followed that up with a powerful statement, “But, not once did I have the thought of leave him.” That is exactly how you attack this so called pain. The one thing is true about pain, it hurts. When something hurts the initial thought of any human wants to feel better. To feel better you must face the pain head on and fix what happened to cause the pain.

COMMUNICATION! This is the first and most important step in facing the growing pains. Of course, depending on the situation, you may need some time to actually speak about the pain. But, the fact is, you will have to speak about it or it will continue to hurt. If your partner lied to you, then gain the knowledge to understand what made your partner lie. The greatest part of communication is 1. It gives you knowledge of your partner and 2. You may see some things within yourself that caused the lie.

Number 2 is a tough pill to swallow but it may be a necessary pill to swallow. It is a difficult thing to accept feedback that you may not agree with. What will always stand the test of time is the truth hurts. The truth could be, due to a past situation the person is scared of telling you the truth. Maybe you are argumentative and your partner is just trying to avoid an argument. This is in no way an excuse to lie. Lying is never the best option in any situation. Lying will just lead to a bigger argument in the long run. It is best for both partners to be prepared for the truth and to talk it out.

The worst thing possible is to allow the growing pains to steer you away from the relationship. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Better yet, the grass could be worst on the other side. Growing pains definitely have different levels to them. The scale of growing pains is boundless.

Growing pains are alive and well in every relationship. Every relationship goal should be to deal with the growing pain and allow the pain the uplift the relationship. Growing pains build skin to any relationship. Nothing will be perfect, but how will you handle it when its not…Sig1

The Smart Fool

June 7, 2016

Can love cause you to be a fool? Absolutely it can and the kicker is it can happen very easily. The positive is sometimes what you call a fool can end up with you being the winner. Now I’m not saying disrespect yourself (which is a thin line to walk by “Playing the fool”). What I am saying is do what makes you happy.

There are a few ways to playing the “Smart fool.” I actually spoke to a few coworkers about this to gain some personal situations where they considered themselves to be playing the fool. Trying to be with a person that you know is dealing with another person was the first. In this situation, they told me they would check their phone all the time. Spend a lot of time with the person so you know the time is not going to the other party. What worked was picking up a lot of other things to do and to stay busy. It is almost impossible to be in that situation and not think about what the other person is doing when they’re not with you.  So, picking up hobbies actually was a great suggestion. Read, exercise, I don’t care what it is but you have to find something to keep your mind occupied.  Now, I can tell you what is not going to work. Being worrisome and forcing yourself on that person. Speaking about the other situation all the time will only cause that person to gravitate the way you don’t want. However, what you don’t want to do is give too much space to have the person forget you.

Of course you have the other option of just leaving. This could end up being a wise decision. However, what if you’re truly in love and you know you want to be with that person? Out of sight out of mind may not be the best thing to do if your goal is to be with that particular person. To add to the suggestion of picking up a few hobbies and staying busy would be to capitalize on the time you actually do get to spend with the person. This will help with just focusing on the other person’s happiness. In time, I believe this will only do good things. Also, when he/she is out dating, they will think about you. The smallest things will bug the person because of the happiness you’re providing each time you’ll are together.

Come up with the “If-Then” plan and you will succeed if you are truly done. If you want to call, then i will… That will be the best plan for you. Like when I don’t want to work out, then I step outside to get motivated. If you feel like you’re going to do something that you know you don’t want to do then you need to come up with a then plan. This strategy allows you to increase your chances to control your impulses.

Now, I’m not saying this will work. But, I’ve never been one to quit on things that I wanted. Relationships should not be any different. I’ve seen so many relationships fail because one person just gave up. They say love conquers all and I’m the hopeless romantic that happens to believe that.


Keep It 100

January 23, 2015

Fellas, BE THE BEST MAN YOU CAN BE FROM THE START OF MEETING A FEMALE! The consequences are major and not worth it.  I’m speaking as a person who has gone through it personally. I was not ready for a relationship but decided to string her along as if I knew I was. In return what I caused myself was a world of hurt and emptiness that can never be replaced.

Some guys are lucky and find that great, understanding woman who will allow mistakes and still give you multiple chances. Do not take this for granted…I repeat…DO NOT TAKE THIS FOR GRANTED! There is an old saying that “Once you are down you have no where to go but up.”  Well I’m here to tell you that statement is totally false and inaccurate. There are plenty of ways we dig our hole deeper and deeper until the point we can’t even see the light of day. Once you get to that point there is really nothing to can do but wait. While waiting, you will drive yourself crazy, if she is the one. Losing a good woman is something no man should want. To prevent that there are certain things that should be done…

  1. MAKE SURE SHE FEELS LIKE NOTHING ELSE MATTERS BUT HER! Make her number 1! This will take you a long way just following this rule. By following this rule everything else will fall into place as needed. When she calls, answer! When she wants to spend time, spend time! When she wants something and you can do it, DO IT! It’s as simple as that
  2. Cater to her! I know what some are going to say. That is a woman’s job. Times have changed drastically. Both male and female are working and paying bills. So everything else needs to be split as well. Cook for her sometimes! Back rubs and feet rubs go a long way. Clean up the crib. When she gets off simply tell her “get in the bed and relax, I got this!” Surprise her with random thoughts of kindness. This doesn’t mean gifts of monetary value. But, it doesn’t hurt to pop up at her job with some roses or if you’ll are going on a date (not the first one) surprise with flowers then as well. The element of surprise is your friend! Always keep her knowing something is coming but not knowing what it is!
  3. Effective communication! This is very important! In every relationship, you’re going to have disagreements. The key is not to argue but to discuss the disagreement. But, you have to go into the conversation OPEN minded! If you’re still mad about the situation then just simply tell her can we please talk about this at a later time (that goes for you ladies as well). There is nothing worst than discussing a topic with someone who is still mad at the situation. Effectively discuss the topic and come to a happy median.
  4. Last but not least, earn her trust and keep it! If you have fallen like I have done in the past, it can be very difficult to get but it is possible. The key is, if you earn it back, KEEP IT! Without the trust of your significant other everything else will fall out of place.

I could give you’ll rules for days to follow. But, with these 4 alone you will conquer a lot of the major issues relationships have (other than financial). Believe me, you do not want to lose the woman of your dreams due to something you have full control over…MAKING HER NUMBER 1!!!!


September 7, 2014

Football season

Ladies! I’m back and this time I’m here to help you out. All it takes is the will to have a peaceful household and relationship. I’m a break down a few things you can do to make football season work for you and your partner. Now this goes for women who like the great game of football and those who don’t also.

For my ladies who despise football season and pout around the house. Please stop that childish behavior and make it worth your while. Let me ask you this, how did you feel about Beyoncé’s performance at the vma’s? Well, that’s exactly how we feel about football. In every situation there is always a positive outcome that can me made for both parties. If you follow these simple steps I promise you happiness.

First things first, the games come on around 1pm each and every Sunday. So that’s gives you a decent window to prepare. Go to the grocery store and get a pack of chicken wing and a pack of beer. If this will be your first time doing this, don’t tell him what you doing. The element of surprise is key if you’re losing your football wife virginity. Now here’s the key, when the game is on please don’t get to asking allllllll them questions. That comes later. You serve your man that plate of food with a nice cold beer when the game starts. You sit down but not too close. This isn’t a redbox night. Relax and really watch the game. Hell fake it if you got to. So it’s halftime, ITS NOT TIME FOR QUESTIONS YET! If you’re wondering why I keep reiterating don’t ask questions. It’s due to the stories I personally have and countless others I’ve heard. They say no question is a dumb question but somebody lied. Some of the questions women ask about football just were of the level of a pre schooler. Back to the game, study the game, think about your questions. Now the game has ended, ask the questions and please make them of substance. Now you have the 4pm game. Don’t get restless, patience is a virtue. Believe me your time will come. Go mind your business and watch tv in the room. Go hang with your girls who hopefully did the first steps like you did. Now here’s the important part. You cannot text him when you’re out. Let him watch the game in peace. Text him round 7 and ask what he wants for dinner. Come home and make dinner and you’ll eat. I promise, depending on if his team is playing the night game, he will not make it thru that game. His tongue will become a paintbrush, your pussy the canvas, and he will attempt to paint Mona Lisa in your box…….Sig1

What is this?

January 22, 2014

What is this?

Serious question “Why do women want the title of girlfriend so bad?”  Let me start this by stating, THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND WILL NOT STOP A MAN FROM DOING WHAT HE WANTS TO DO.  I don’t know who made the women who think this but it is a terrible way of thinking.

I was told it was to define the grey area. But, who is in the grey area? When I think of the grey area I think of the God awful question, “So, what is this?”  I’m going tell you what most men are thinking at the time, “What she mean what is this.” What it is called is FUN! So enjoy it while it is going good.  Why is it not possible just for two people to build without having that talk?  What answer are you looking for at that moment of the question?  The truth is the man is probably just as confused if not more confused as to “What is this?” than you.  As a man we do not mind the grey area because our goal is to be happy.  Once happiness is created from the relationship the man of your dreams will appear.  But that comes with making it through the so called “grey” area.  That area when you text or call and he don’t respond and it takes everything in you to not ask “Where were you?”  The truth is everybody deals with somebody else when you first meet them.  The key to that is setting yourself apart from that person.  Show the person you’re interested in a different side of life.  Introduce him to new things that he may not have tried.

I’ve said this a million times but the key is communication.  When I say communication I mean learn that person.  Learn his or her goals, what that person likes and dislikes.  Don’t force yourself on that person because that’s what most men are used to.  The thing that creates this so called “grey” area truly is sex.  Before sex you didn’t care what that man was doing to be honest.  But, if you the infamous question “What is this?” more than likely you’ve asked it before.  I’m sure that didn’t go the way you thought it would go.  You do know what they call people who keep trying the same thing and expecting a different result…INSANE!

Then I heard that women are seeking validation from the word Girlfriend.  That’s all you’re looking for? If that’s all you’re looking for then there are multiple ways to earn that other than a simple noun.  You really cannot think that by a man being your “Boyfriend” that it will stop him from cheating, flirting, etc.  You want to know what will make him stop doing the type of things no woman wants from her man. HIMSELF! One of my friends told me “I think that love is mainly a feeling. That’s creates a bigger plan. I think to be in love u have to “as a woman” let a man be a man in his own time without pressure.” Let that man be the man he is. It will prove to be your best option.  By doing this you will receive the opportunity to see who you’re getting involved with.  It will also save you a lot of hurt and heartache.  Once you get sold that dream your mind is assured on something that is not true.  A dream is defined as “an idea or vision that is created in your imagination and that is not real.” You don’t want to be the worlds “Girlfriend” do you?