How Do You Carry Yourself..?

March 31, 2011

If you, want me, you got to know me

And if you want my love (My love) you gotta wait my love

Ba Baby that’s the way its got to be

Get to know me (Get to know me) so we can do this,

MONICA – FIRST NIGHT

Ladies let me be the first to tell you…just because you make a man wait for sex doesn’t mean it will change anything.  The most important thing, no matter of how long you wait is HOW YOU CARRY YOURSELF AFTER THE SEX.  The problem is a lot of women cannot have casual sex without some type of emotional attachment or feeling towards the partner.  Ladies, if you have casual sex then continue to hold your head high.  Just because you had sex with a man casually doesn’t mean you’re a hoe.  Walk with confidence, self-assurance, and still hold yourself in high regard.  I know what you ladies are thinking… “If I give it up early then he’s going to think I’m a hoe.”  In some cases you are right, but there’s a big difference in those who carry themselves as HOES and those who carry themselves as a LADY.  The difference is…A LADY STILL DEMANDS HER RESPECT! Regardless if you just had sex with that man you still are a human being.  It is not illegal for a woman to just want to have sex.  Now it is illegal for you just to have casual sex with everybody and everybody knows it.  THEREIN LIES DIFFERENCE! 

What baffles me is women who go into a situation with a set time limit.  That is the wrong way to start a situation.  Another reason this time limit women might put up does not mean the relationship will grow.  Communication is key!!! As I stated in a previous post, don’t let time go past and you don’t have that talk with him and then he has his own conclusion.  It’s ok for you to have been horny at the time and wanted sex.  However, if you want more than that let it be known.  You might not like the rebuttal but at least you’re not going to be sold a dream from being naïve.

Let me teach you all something.  As a man when his mind is made up it is made up!  If a man meets you and realizes all he wants is the sex…sweetheart the time you set don’t mean nothing!  You can set whatever time limit you want, that man is going to be doing him while doing just enough to keep you happy until your time limit is over and he gets the goods.  Let me tell you, if you think a grown man is going to wait more than 6 months and not have sex then you are slightly confused.  Everybody has needs it, including women, and even 6 months without sex for some women is difficult.  It’s one thing to lie to me but it’s total disrespect to lie to yourself.  I’ve heard that some females wait a guy out because after sex a lot of guys get complacent.  But if he’s going to become complacent then the time doesn’t matter. 

Now I’m not saying that sex is so important that your relationship should be based upon it.  However, I am saying that it is very important.  I had a woman tell me if he is the “one” he will wait.  Well then 90% of the men are not the “one.”  I don’t judge women who have casual sex.  In my mind you wanted to have sex.  However, when you begin to have casual sex with people who you have no clue of who they are, that’s then the hoe line is crossed.  If you have sex with a dude because of something he has, i.e. nice car, nice clothes, money, then you’re crossing that line again.  If you have casual sex with a dude and keep that business to yourself then you are not a hoe.  Women everywhere do it. 

The problem arises because most women are trained/brainwashed from an early age….to make men wait…”if he feels you’re worth it he will wait.” As a woman you are taught to tie our self-worth to our sexuality…basically..don’t give it up.  In the, so called, “Commandments to Womanhood” women are supposed to be virtuous and modest…anything other than that..she’s a hoe…and no one wants that label.  Those laws also say “all guys are only after one thing…and in order to prove we’re worth more..we’re told to wait.”  However, I beg to differ.  That is not how many men feel.  Yes we like sex, who doesn’t, but that’s not always ALL we want. However if it is waiting a certain amount of time before giving it up is not going to change a man’s feelings about you.  If he likes you and it’s sincere then no matter when he gets the sex, his feeling aren’t going to change.  But you will feel like a fool when you wait those 6 months and he still plays you as if it were the first night.

I know you’re not that type and I want to do this right but does waiting really make us better peopleDrake “shut it down”

Advertisements

Are Men ever 100% ready to get Married?

March 28, 2011

I (name), take you (name) to be my (husband/wife), my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

-Sample Wedding Vows

Are Men ever 100% ready to get Married?

Fellas…when do we get to the point where we have these feelings?  I believe true love is very hard to find, especially when looking at the context of these vows.  Personally I feel that as men, we are never 100% ready to get married.  As men, we are stubborn and want our way 90% of the time and the other 10% we just don’t want to hear our partner’s mouths so we oblige to keep from arguing. 

Let’s take the first line of the vow: “my partner in life and my one true love.”  Partner as in teammate. In a relationship it’s a 2 on infinity type of game.  It’s you two against the world.  Haters do live people, and they will try to do everything in their power to do their job…HATE. They will try to tear down and run interference on your relationship, especially if it’s successful. But your wife is the only woman who is supposed to keep you interested!  However, with men we are never FULLY satisfied.  I have no explanation of this fact but I know this is true.  It seems a lot of times men aren’t happy enough with just winning the game.  We want to dominate the competition.  Being greedy and wanting to dominate is usually what leads men to lose such great women who quite possibly could have been placed in your life for a reason.

Then you have: “I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you FAITHFULLY through good times and bad regardless of the obstacles we may face together.”  This is a deep sentence.  This is the ultimate test for a man.  One thing most men struggle at with women is being afraid to place all our eggs in one basket.  To be honest, the risk factor is too great for us.  That’s why it always seems as if the woman’s feelings and love is normally stronger in a relationship.  We as men refuse to do certain things (varies for each man) while in a relationship for fear of getting in too deep.  Then the word FAITHFUL is so different when you ask men and woman to define it.  Most men define faithful as simply not having sex with another female.  Women have a list of things that is against the code of what faithful means to them.  This goes back to my argument in most of my blogs…COMMUNICATION IS KEY.  If you communicate and come to a median of what is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable in the relationship the partnership gets a little easier. 

Then you have the kicker: “I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”  Times are changing drastically from when our parents or grandparents were raised.  I look at some older relationships that celebrate anniversaries and I hear numbers such as this is our 30th anniversary.  I think in today’s society we don’t put enough effort into our relationships as men.  We focus on the wrong things instead of what is right in our face at times.  Honestly, men are just scared to give up “The Life” for the “The Wife.”  I’m going to put it out there…at the current moment I could not see myself being with somebody 30 years.  A single year brings enough problems, I cannot even fathom what arguments you can have in a 30 year span.  Some may say it is immature and you are correct.  But the question I ask is…Are men ever 100% ready for marriage?…   


Wifey v. Sidechick

March 24, 2011

 “The entrée aint as good without something on the side” –Fabolous

Wifey  vs. The Sidechick…a lot of women be thinking they’re wifey and have no idea they’ve been playing the sidechick for years.  Being the nice guy that I am I will give you a few tips to understand exactly who you are.

First let’s begin by saying the word wifey has been wildly misused.  This is why I cannot fault some women for not knowing if they have that title or not. This is due to the fact that men to want to have their cake and eat it too, and their inability to communicate effectively means he probably called you wifey as an excuse to make you stop your bickering and questions about where the situation was going.  Wifey should NOT be a word that is just haphazardly given to a woman; especially one who does not meet the necessary requirements.  For a man, wifey is the one woman who has deference over every other woman.  Wifey is the one woman who calls and we answer no matter what (even when we are with the sidechick).  Wifey is the star player on the team.  The Kobe Bryant of a team…the one who can shoot the ball whenever.  Wifey has the green light at all times.  Wifey is the one that comes out with us in public to big events.  Wifey is the one who meets mom dukes and the rest of the family.  I can bring wifey anywhere with me and not have a care in the world (if you have a sidechick I’m hoping your sidechick knows you have wifey).  Wifey is the girl that will not be disrespected by anybody.  My bro’s no wifey and knows she’s in their friend zone.  Her rank cannot be topped. 

Then comes the difficult part…talking to those that read that paragraph and then begin to think why these things were never done.  It’s simple…you are the sidechick.  The sidechick has no deference in any subject matter, especially in the realm of TIME.  The sidechick has one right and one right only…GET IN WHERE YOU FIT IN!  The sidechick is the woman in the phone named as a dude so when you call and men ignore it, it doesn’t look that suspicious.  The sidechick is a role player on the team.  Let’s think of a player like Dennis Rodman.  He was the perfect role player.  He had one obligation on one of the greatest teams ever.  All he had to do is rebound the basketball when Jordan or Pippen missed a shot.  He took his role seriously and became the greatest rebounder of all time.  The sidechick doesn’t get taken out on dates.  The closest thing to a date a sidechick gets is a movie at the crib.  He might even cook for you just to keep you interested and to make you believe that one day you may move up in the depth chart.  The sidechick is the one that he can bring around friends but everybody in the house knows you are not important (in most cases she doesn’t know this).  She is just so excited to be around his friends that she doesn’t have a clue that she isn’t important.  As crazy as it sounds, the sidechick never gets lied to.  Why you ask?  Unlike the wifey, the sidechick cannot offer any kind of consequence for the truth.  The sidechick can be told everything under the sun, and not get mad because he has a fall back plan.  If you are a sidechick, my suggestion is make him your side dude.  Don’t put all your eggs in one basket if he’s not.

Ladies, if you are in a sidechick position the least you can do is accept the role you are in.  If you don’t like it then get out of the situation.  However, if you are in a sidechick position don’t automatically get discouraged.  I have witnessed sidechicks become number 1 after they have put their work in.  It’s called being the underdog.  If you don’t want to be the sidechick, then don’t allow yourself to fall into the traps that men put out there.  We as men are only going to do what you allow us to do.  If you are shooting for the number 1 spot then know you have to put in work, however don’t allow yourself to become content with being the role player for life.  You can always switch teams…


The G Code-The Unforgotten Rules

March 22, 2011

The G Code – The Unforgotten Rules

These are not only rules that guys should follow but women need to know in order to continue to not feel like they being played.

  1.  Fellas, if you are trying to holla at a woman PLEASE don’t drag another man that she has already dealt with in the mud.  For instance, if you go to a girl that you are interested in and you know she deal with a dude that is cheating on her.  YOU CANNOT SAY… “you need to leave ol boy alone cuz he cheating on you.”  If you can convince my woman to fuck with you without using my name MORE POWER TO YOU! But refrain from using a man’s name to get with a woman.  Ladies please don’t allow men to continue to run men names in the mud just to get with you.  Ladies, this doesn’t mean that if we had sex that one of my friends doesn’t have permission to holla at you ESPECIALLY IF YOU WONT WIFEY.  It just means he can’t mention my name.
  2. Speaking of wifey…Fellas in my crew we know the ones that are off limits.  You have the woman that you was just fuckin and the one that you actually invested time, money, etc. on.  The rule is simple…the one that I invested time, money, etc. then she is off limits.  What you don’t want is a man to be able to say… “I FUCKED YOUR WIFE.”  On the other side…Fellas we have to stop letting our pride get in the way.  If a man approaches you and asks for permission to holla at one of your old janks, PLEASE don’t say he can due to your pride as a man and not wanting to look like a bitch.  Be honest fellas.  Because when he do hit that jank you gone be looking crazy in the face and you gone look like the angry black man due to your dishonesty.
  3. The word “BRO” has to be reevaluated ASAP.  The “BRO” which is short for BROTHER!  Which means everybody can’t be your brother!  To be a brother means you have to have my best interest at heart if not all the time at least 90%.  You have to be the person that’s going to tell me what I need to hear instead of what I want to hear.  You are the person that I can confide in when shit hits the fan.  You are the person that isn’t there to bail me out but is sitting beside me in jail for doing something stupid.  The person that’s going to jump in the fight regardless if we are outnumbered.  Most of you don’t feel that way about the people you call bro so STOP USING THE WORD BRO!  (Ladies if you call each other sis then please replace Bro with Sis. Same rules apply)
  4. Fellas! We all have done it…the infamous Pillow Talk.  It’s never going to cease so I’m not saying stop it all together.  But, what I am saying is think before you speak.  The things you tell that woman in the bed will do a 180 degree turn the next day.  She will flip that story so many times you wouldn’t know who said it.  Just know when the word gets out you as the man will look like the Bitch because what people think you said will not be what you actually said.  So remember…think before you speak!

I’m not going to give off all the rules because if you don’t know them by now then either you don’t know them or you know them and refuse to follow the guidelines.  I hear and see this all the time and it is time for it to stop.  In the words of my Bro Will Powers “If a n!gg@ can’t figure out the rest on his own, he’ll just be a fuck n!gg@ for life”…


a good mans hard to find, is one of yall’s favorite lines/but finding wifey aint much easier

March 21, 2011

“a good mans hard to find, is one of yall’s favorite lines/but finding wifey aint much easier”Bobby Valentine – Words

Fellas, I know for a fact we get sick and tired of hearing the same things from females.  After while all that talk gets old.  Most women who have stated “a good mans hard to find” are currently selling their partner a dream.  When I say dream, in a nutshell, the women has not told her partner that he isn’t a “good” man.  If you stay in that situation then it’s not that good men are hard to find but more so you suck at finding them.  But this is not what this blog is about.

Ladies, let me put this out there…IT IS NOT EASY FINDING A GIRL!  Sure, in a females mind, they are perfect for men.  However, look at what men are looking for and what we don’t like.  I’m sure a lot of women have some reevaluating to do.  For instance, think about recruiting.  When you’re looking to recruit, most of the time women are looking for the BEST player on the list.  With the best player comes an all around game.  This person can do everything on the offensive side and the defensive.  For instance, lately a big quality of a recruit is how long they will stay with the team.  This is big in a relationship.  You want to know if the person is actually going to stick around or are they just a season in your life.  Another good quality of a recruit is the potential.  Will this person pan out to be the best player he/she can become?  Some recruiters get so caught up in getting the number one player that they forget about the rest of the list that is interested in joining the team.  Consequently, you miss out on others players that could have produced for your team.

As men, we are always judged because we talk more than one female at a time.  As a man, our problem with our recruitment is going after too many players. We have a spot for one but we go after five just in case someone decides to switch teams. But when we spread out our energy and resources going after the whole list of potentials we usually miss out on that one SPECIAL (FRANCHISE) player that our team really needs.  What we as men lack is FOCUS!  We lose focus at the drop of a dime.  That’s part of what leads us to cheating.  We lack the ability to remain focused on a specific thing for a long period of time in relationships.  We always feel as if there is something out there that is better.

Question: “What if what you think is great, Really IS great but not AS great as something Greater!” -from the movie The Wedding Planner- Matthew McConaughey’s Character

Fellas…we have to focus more.  If we want to find the “one” then we have to recruit the player that will best help us to the goal.  The goal is always Happiness.  I am a firm believer in people need somebody to share their happiness with.  If we don’t pursue the right player then comes the thought of “what if?”.  In this pursuit comes fixing up ourselves. Be the person that you want to find.  Let’s adjust our attitudes, the way we act, the way we carry ourselves, the way we perceive/understand situations.  I am the first person to tell you that I have a lot of changing to do.  I am not perfect, however, women you aren’t either.  So both women and men have work to do…let’s all focus on becoming the best versions of ourselves that we can be and become unified as males and females…


But you should know by now that ALL niggas is dogs

March 17, 2011

As long as he doin right, by you and the kids
How you gon expect that man not to be who he is?
I ain’t sayin that it’s right, but we often pay the price
cause a woman’s life is love, a man’s love is life
and he gon live it to the fullest,
and I ain’t tryna pull you down, or sound like a broken record
But you should know by now that ALL niggas is dogs
Better to have a rich Pit than a broke German Shepard, uh” –Phonte of Little Brother “Breaking My Heart”

Ladies, lets discuss the phrase that is so freely used N!&%@$ aint shit. Why is it possible for women to use this phrase so loosely?  Is it due to every relationship you have going sour?  Or is it due to the stereotypical world we live in?  I hear this statement so much from women however you’ll hate to be categorized by men.  It is possible for a lot of people to say the opposite sex aint shit.  Honestly, if you look at it, everybody has made mistakes.  And there’s always the person that commits the offense and the victim, so there are always two sides to a story.  At the end of the day, if you are the victim, your sole responsibility is to decide how long you decide to be the victim.

Let’s take the most popular offense by men, cheating.  I tweeted on Tuesday night… “Ladies, I respect all you who have forgiven your man for mistakes as drastic as cheating and stuck it out.”    My thoughts behind this tweet were simple and rapper Big Pooh of Little Brother on the same song as the initial lyrics said “No disrespect intended but what’s done is done, Women steppin out for love, men do it to cum.”  I respect a female who can look beyond the major flaw of a man.  Most men have cheated before.  Maybe not in the physical form but in some other form, most men have done the act of cheating.  I can understand how it is easy to categorize men in a negative category.  When I say most I mean over 50%.  So for the sake of argument what do the majority of women do?  Most women like to argue, so does that mean all women like to argue?  Most women want to change their men, however it doesn’t mean all women want to do that.  It is time to throw the “N!&%@$ aint shit” statement away for good (along with lacefronts lol).

Ladies if every guy you attract you have to put in the bracket of “aint shit” then just maybe it’s time to reevaluate yourself.  The men aren’t the common denominator in this equation, it’s you.  The one thing that stays the same in each situation you put yourself in is you.  Maybe the fact is you’re not bringing as much to the table as you think you are.  I consider men to be one of the most simplistic creatures on earth.  We don’t ask for much.  You can honestly do 3 things and keep most men happy…cook, have sex, and understand (refer to “I want a girl when I want a girl, but when I don’t want a girl I want a girl who understands that).  The other things in the relationship vary but if you do those three essential things then we are happy.  With women there are so many more factors added to that in order for you’ll to be happy.

For the sake of argument, if all men are dogs, wouldn’t you rather have the best dog you could find?  Woman it is 2011, it is time for you to stop setting your expectations so high.  I’m not saying accept anything from a man but let’s be realistic.  Don’t get this confused with me telling you to lower your standards because I am not. I’m simply stating you should set your standards for a man equal to the standards you hold for yourself.  If you’re not willing to bring the exact same thing to the table then you shouldn’t expect it in return.  Honestly, I believe each partner should be allowed one big mistake.  After that mistake the famous quote “fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” comes into full affect.  Let’s not read in between the lines and think that Jimmy is telling you to stick it out with your man regardless, however there has to be an understanding that we all are human and make mistakes.  Some will be bigger than others.  But, I’m a firm believer in if you do something consistently then it is not a mistake nor are you sorry for the initial offense.  If you’re looking for specific details in a man that the majority of men do then your best bet is to find the man that does it the less.  No man is perfect ladies and sometimes it seems as if when you complain, you’re complaining about something that predominately all men do.

All in all I would like to personally thank all the females who stick with us through the good and the bad…and always remember…

 


I want a girl when I want a girl, and when i dont want a girl, i want a girl who understands that

March 14, 2011

I want a girl when I want a girl

And when i dont want a girl, I want a girl who understands that Phonte (slow it down)

This line by Phonte has two sides to it depending on your situation and how you judge things.  In certain cases this is ideal for men.  This is the type of woman we dream about; an arrangement that lets us DO anything and GET AWAY with anything.  This concept can confuse people as well.  It could come off as being selfish and self centered; and honestly, it is! but who isn’t selfish and self centered at certain times of their lives?  There has to be a median set in relationships.

For most guys this is the perfect woman.  A woman who knows her position and understands that when I say I don’t want to deal with you then that’s it.  Men don’t want any rebuttals, arguments, or feedback.  One thing men don’t like to do is argue.  Especially on a topic that, no matter what a woman says, she will not get the answer she’s digging for.  However, men we have to be more realistic when it comes to dealing with women.  We have to look at this from their eyes.   We’re asking women to just listen to whatever we say, not to leave us and when we decide we’re ready to come back allow us with no consequences.  That isn’t fair at all.  I don’t believe in that 80/20 ratio in a relationship, I’m more of a 50/50 type guy.  We as men have to think about what if the women did us like that.  Just string us along and when they want a break just do it without any answers or reasoning behind it.  We have to steer away from the “just cause” answers.

We as men are more focused on the right now.  Whatever our emotion/feeling is at the time being is how were going go act.  Women have the uncanny ability to act out differently then what their emotion/feeling is. With men if we don’t feel like being bothered we don’t want any company.  When a female is annoyed she still wants her man to be around.  What’s lacking in the context of this lyric is consistency.  If you carry this attitude of – I want you when I want you and when I don’t I don’t – it confuses women about what you want.  To be honest sometimes we confuse our damn selves due to our erratic thinking and inability to control our impulses.  Where men really go wrong is not thinking before we act.

We have to understand that we are solely the blame for our happiness or failure (in our heads).  This makes Phonte’s theme so easy to follow.  We feel if a woman follows this one rule then she could probably make the team.  This lyrics title should be “understanding” due to the nature of what it’s saying.  I want you when I want you and when I don’t I don’t and I don’t want to hear your mouth when I tell you I don’t want you.  To me that’s what it is saying and the ending saying…I’m a want you to come back one day though.  We want that woman that’s going to hold us down regardless the situation.  We go wrong when we use this statement as an excuse to our behavior.  Men we have to stop giving these one way rules towards relationships.  We expect so much but really don’t give back what were expecting.  We all need “Me time” though.  Honestly, other than living with each other, there should not be a situation where it’s just you two all the time.  Each partner needs their personal space.  The problem is men fail to communicate appropriately when we need this time.  We give those nonverbal ques or just don’t begin to think about giving explanations of the things we do.  We have to start meeting these woman halfway and communication is that way.

The question is…when does your desire for companionship outweigh your desire for independence?  We have to be able to effectively differentiate the two.  The problem is a lot of us are scared to open up fully to a person due to the fear of being hurt.  Yes, we as males don’t want to be hurt either.  But, on the other hand we don’t want to be lonely either.  We also don’t want to deal with the emotions that come along with most women when a companionship begins.  Women want answers and we don’t have them to give because we act like this “just cause.”

I could easily state all positives to this quote by Phonte but I’m a realist.  Although in a perfect world a woman who can deal with something like this and remain that loyal woman would be a storybook ending.  However, this is life and as we all know it ain’t perfect.  However, this lyric is what makes the coalition of man and woman work.  We want two different things and we fight to have our way and inflict our views on the other party.  It’s what keeps the relationship clicking if you ask me…