Can a relationship work if your friend doesnt like her…?

April 25, 2011

Can a relationship work if your friend doesnt like her…?

There are many factors that go into this question.  The first question at hand is do you really consider these people to be brothers?  (Refer to The G Code on the blog site) Everybody you may consider your brother may not be your brother.  Second question is do you truly know your significant other?  If you cannot answer yes to both of these initial questions then your relationship will not last regardless.  I say that because not knowing these people you calling brother, will lead to BAD advice.  Not knowing your significant other speaks for itself.  If you don’t know the person that you’re involved with emotionally, physically, and spiritually then you have no clue the capabilities that this person has.

I have witnessed too many times a relationship ending due to friends not approving of the relationship.  This can go both ways.  But, like I said in The G Code you have to know which friend has your best interest at heart.  You cannot go to the friend that is a male hoe and expect him to give you positive feedback about a relationship.  You also could really have haters in your circle.  It could be honest hate to the fact that you are happy in your relationship and he has failed to find a person to make him happy.   However, just like I said to females, fellas we have to watch WHAT we are telling the circle concerning the ins and outs of the relationship.  If you come to the circle with ALL NEGATIVITY, then of course the circle has nothing else to go by but negative.  This is going to lead to them not approving of the significant other.  It is very possible for people to take on your feelings towards a relationship and stay that way.  You might be apologetic or forgiving towards your partner but your friends may refuse to feel the same way you do.  But, you also do not want to be naïve of the truth.  Being that these are your brothers you do expect them to have your best interest at heart.  It is also possible for a person to FORCE HAPPINESS.  Do not fall victim to this.  You can never fit a square into a circle.  But you can cut off edges until that square becomes a circle.  However, comes the question, will you love this new circle the same as you loved the square, are you happy being a circle when you really are a square? Don’t lose yourself for a relationship.

On the other hand, if you truly know your significant other, as you should, than nothing else matters. If your friends are saying things that are blatantly out of character for them and has never been an issue before then you know who should have your trust. When you reach the point of happiness and you’re on cloud 9 then the opinions of your friends does not matter.  The only negative about being on cloud 9 is the potential of falling off that cloud and back down to reality. When you realize that the person you thought you knew turns out to be someone totally different. Then you have to face your friends that did not approve of this significant other.  A real friend will not throw it in your face but you never know.  Especially if it’s a specific reason your circle didn’t like her (i.e. rumors of cheating) and you’ll broke up due to her cheating on you…then comes the “I told you so.”

I can personally say I want the approval of my circle in my relationship.  I mean who wouldn’t?  These are the people who are going to be standing beside me during my wedding.  What if I get married to this woman that nobody approves of? It’s going to be awkward for everybody.  But we have to be realistic, everybody is not meant to like everybody and sometimes personalities just clash. (That may be true of one or two friends vs your sig. other…but can’t be all) I feel as if respect and like are two different things.  So, lets switch like with respect.  As long as my brother’s can respect my relationship then I would feel alright.  I say alright because I want my significant to be cool with my circle.  I’m not everyone though. However, I do feel as if from the outside looking in people close to you can notice a lot of things that a person in love with may just look over.  When some people fall in love, they are blinded by it.  Consequently, this leads some people to overlook things that they once would’ve considered as disrespect for the relationship.  Wrong is always wrong and right will always be right and your friends may just be trying to remind you of that.

We also have to put the shoe on the foot and think about all the strife the female is going through with her friends.  Being that most males have a deeper past than females, it is much easier for females to judge a male while he is in a relationship.  Most men struggle with their significant others friends due to the negative situations being highlighted in the relationship.  Our significant other can dig a hole so deep in her friend’s mind that it’s impossible for us to get out.  So as a man we attempt to make everyone happy.  Let me be the first to tell you, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE EVERYBODY HAPPY!  The truth might be that you are really trying to do the right thing but that is the last thing women are going see from the outside looking in.  How would we react if our significant other stopped dealing with us due to her friends?  You know our favorite quote, “Fa real, f*** your friends” will be the first thing out our mouth.  But then comes the factor of…is what the friends saying true?

I think it boils down to truly knowing the people you interact with on an everyday basis.  If you don’t really know the people in your circle is it a circle? If you don’t truly know your significant other, is she really significant?  Let’s reevaluate our relationships with everybody in our life and then I feel as if you can rank the differences of opinions.  Because whether we like it or not everybody is going to have an opinion of your relationship.  Do not shy away from positive criticism which indeed could positively affect your relationship. It could be bad or good but there is absolutely nothing you can do to quiet the critics.  Just take the good with the bad and always remind yourself of the information you have received and watch your own back…

Advertisements

GETTING BACK WITH AN EX….

April 21, 2011

Getting back with an ex…

Fellas let me start this by stating I’m sorry…but as a man I can admit…WE SELL DREAMS!  Ladies please don’t fall victim of the dream.  The ex is the one that can sell you a dream the best evident by stating all the HAPPY times but disregarding all the NEGATIVE times.  Now I’m not saying it is wrong to get back with your ex, however I am stating you should look deep into the relationship you’ll have and measure the pros and the cons.

If the pros out weight the cons then it’s either one of two things.  Either that man made a BIG mistake and cheated on you and is sincerely sorry (also included domestic violence, constant arguing,  or parents don’t like him).  Or as a female you have to become realistic and realize it was something you did to end the relationship.  The number one reason relationships end is CHEATING!  If it wasn’t for cheating then a lot of people would be involved with one of that early sex partners.  However, cheating is real and it happens every day.  But, ladies you have to realize this before you decide to get back with your ex.

Then you have the category of men who SELL DREAMS!  Ladies please stop watching movies or reading books that end with HAPPILY EVER AFTER endings.  Those are written by directors/authors who don’t understand the TRUTH!  The truth of the matter is you broke up with that person for a reason.  Although this reason might be small to your partner, you are you and at the end of the day, you are all that matters.  If you don’t love you, then who will? Don’t take this statement as don’t compromise but I have seen where women have accepted greater things than bullshit just to fulfill their need of loneliness.

Loneliness is defined as affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome (www.dictionary.com).  This feeling of loneliness will lead a human being into doing things that the heart would decline.  Loneliness will lead a person to cheat or do harm to a person who has the person who can fulfill that loneliness. With that being said, a man will attempt anything there is to do to ruin that other person’s happiness.  Not to say they don’t like being lonely, however, they do not want to see others happy.  ESPECIALLY THE PERSON WHO LEFT THEM (regardless if it’s their fault).  

Ladies, please stray away from your ex.  He is your ex for a reason.  If you have this feeling as if he is the one then go for it.  In my past blog I spoke on giving consequences, however, breaking up with a man is the ultimate consequence.  Don’t break up with a man you love and expect him to understand your motive without communication.  I just want my females to be honest with themselves.  If you don’t want that man to leave then don’t leave him.  However, if that man has nothing for you then leave him.  Time is valuable and not meant for everyone to have.  Cherish the gift of time and understand that you are the gift.  When both partners realize they can trade gifts (themselves) with each other, the median I so often speak about can be met…


How he stay faithful in a room full of hoes?

April 18, 2011

How he stay faithful in a room full of hoes?Kanye West

Fellas, this question is so simple but we put ourselves in this type of situation all the time.  It is time for us to realize where our weaknesses lie.  In relationships trust, if not the most important, is one of the most important things.  Without trust then the relationship will not make it through the test that life will bring.  The test that most men struggle with passing is the opportunity to cheat and in their mind “know” they will not get caught.  However, that KNOW should be a THINK and is often a FALSE HOPE! 

We have to realize the places we put ourselves in before we go to them.  “How he stay faithful in a room full of hoes?”…the real question is WHY IS HE IN A ROOM FULL OF HOES?  If you know before you decide to go somewhere that it is a place that will test your will power a little bit too much then stay yourself in the house.  How about you spend that time with your significant other.  It is so easy for us to lose track of the consequence of cheating.  It’s even easier to lose that focus when you have people around you who don’t care about your relationship.  Fellas, it’s time we stop making excuses to why we keep failing in relationships.  A lot of the mistakes we make could be easily avoided.  We just fail to think before we make irrational decisions.  I’m not saying if friends of yours invite you to a gathering not to go.  However, I am saying know yourself.  If you lack the ability to keep the focus of your relationship then avoid situations where it will be tested.

As men, before we decide to get in a relationship, we should re evaluate ourselves and really make sure that we are ready to be in a relationship.  I say this due to a man who is ready to be in a relationship has no problem with being faithful in a room full of hoes.  Many men cheat due to one reason.  Not being mature enough to be in a relationship.  If we begin to be honest with ourselves and our partners then we can reach the median I so often speak about.  Women would definitely appreciate it more if you just tell them “I’m not ready for a relationship” than to get involved in a commitment knowing you’re not going to give 110%.  If you know you are not at the point in your life where you can be faithful in a room full of hoes…don’t mislead a female into thinking you are ready for commitment…


Why you wanna go through my phone…

April 14, 2011

The phone topic is a topic males and females will never agree on.  This post will touch on the consequences of going through a man’s phone and what we as men can do to prevent women from going through our phone.

Ladies, there is no pro to going through a man’s phone.  Not only don’t you own it but you’re definitely going to find something.  Like my co worker told me…”If you go fishing you’re going to find something.  And it might not be a fish.”  If you go through a man’s phone looking for one thing in particular, you may or may not find it,  but one thing is for certain, you’re going to find SOMETHING that will make you mad.  Ladies you have to know yourself before you enter into such activities.  To a man, going through his phone is so severe it could cause a break up.  Now it might not seem that important to you but a man’s property is a man’s property.  It’s in the same category as stealing to us.

Ladies, ask yourself the following questions (and answer them realistically) before you go through a man’s phone; or start any type of argument for that matter: What am I really looking for? What am I going to do with the information? Do I REALLY want to know? What do I expect the outcome to be? Am I prepared to justify my actions? and finally…Will I regret this later? Don’t set yourself up! Most women go looking through a man’s phone, find a text message (that really isn’t that serious to the man), call him on it and then blow the situation out of proportion; especially when the man is nonchalant about it or really doesn’t see why it’s such a big deal.  Then comes the arguing, where you want to ask all the questions of who, what, when and how.  Afterwards we aren’t talking for a good week or 2, then guess what…you are over it and we’re back together.  And after all is said and done what have you accomplished? All those actions prove are that you don’t trust me, you like drama, and you can find out I’m doing dirt and be ok with it (i.e. I can continue to do what I’ve been doing). Hell, if you’re going to go through my phone and find what you been looking for, then leave me alone! Let it be the proof you need to break up and we go our separate ways. Men are big on trust in relationships.  We trust you which is why we’re able to be in a relationship with you.  The bottom line is, if you don’t trust me then don’t be with me.  Going through a man’s phone is a clear indication that you lack the trust that’s needed to be in a healthy relationship.

Fellas, although I am definitely against women going through our phone, there are certain things that we can do to prevent women from getting that feeling that they need to.  The most important thing is to be honest.  If we are honest from the jump then even if they do go through the phone and they find something you still have the defense of “I told you that.” And if you haven’t by now then PUT A PASSWORD OR LOCK ON YOUR PHONE!  That way when she attempts to go through it, she cannot immediately get results.  Then it puts the ball in her court to either shut up or be brave enough to ask “Why is your phone locked?”  Then we can have the conversation of why do you feel the need to go through my phone. One of the biggest defense mechanisms is to keep your phone on silent while you’re with your female friend to stop or at least limit your time on the phone. The more you’re on the phone when you’re with a female the more she gets aggravated because she feels like somone else has your attention more than her.

That’s what it all boils down to…women go through your phone because they don’t want another woman taking their man’s time.  The truth of the matter of this whole argument is…NOBODY IS JUST COMMUNICATING WITH ONE PERSON!  It could be a simple Good Morning text.  A woman is going to question why this other woman is sending her man Good Morning.  To men it is not that serious.  But to women it’s the end of the world.  Ladies, what you have to understand is, if a man is going to cheat then a man is going to cheat regardless.  That good morning text he receives is not the deciding factor of if he’s going to cheat or not.  If both parties, male and female, focus on the more important things in the relationship like EACH OTHER. Instead of worrying about the outside factors then we can reach a median.

Going through a man’s phone displays weakness from a female.  It proves jealously and NOBODY likes a jealous partner.  Ladies, if you don’t trust your man then how about communicating that with him instead of going through his belongings to search for something that you know you is going to make you mad regardless. In a relationship it takes compromise.  We have to help each other find a median so we can live happily together…


Foolish

April 7, 2011

See my days are cold without you
But I’m hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can’t take no more
I keep on running back to you
Oohhhhh

I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret

Ashanti – Foolish

Ladies I have heard this from so many of you about your situations.  First let me begin by stating I am very thankful for those who fight for their men.  Like I’ve stated before, women have the special skill of seeing good in a man when he cannot see it in himself.  However, there comes a time where you are no longer seeing something in him, but instead making things up.  It is very possible for you to be imagining a person to be something other than what they are showing you they are.  A lot of women struggle with “build a man” syndrome.  This syndrome is deadly because it cannot harm the male, only the female. A man is not a bear that u can stuff and mold and dress and create for him the life YOU want him to have. If that’s what your trying to do head to Short Pump and look to the right of the Levi’s store. Because while you’re busy trying to make this MAN into the person you want him to be, he is continuing to exhibit the same behavior that you hate.

Let me tell you from personal experience.  Men know right from wrong, but we all fall short.  Nobody is perfect and that’s why I stress I appreciate women who try hard with their relationships.  However, the question is…WHEN IS ENOUGH, ENOUGH?  Men get away with a lot and the crazy part is, we don’t learn from our mistakes. One of the key factors behind us not learning from our mistakes are women who do not provide consequences for our behavior.  I’m not saying just break up with him and throw him to the curb.  But it’s like the school system.  You have different levels of consequences.  The first time a kid might do something he receives a warning.  Then comes the call home to mom or after school detention.  Then you have your In-School Suspension, next is Out of School Suspension.  Then you have the biggest of them all expulsion from school.  I’m not saying give a man this many chances but Consequences are necessary for you to communicate to a man what you won’t deal with, and to be able to recognize if the man is learning from his mistakes.

Ladies, my mom once told me… “Always remember you are the prize.”  The quote stuck with me from that day forward.  There  comes a point in time when you have to start thinking about yourself.  Ladies it is perfectly fine for you to be selfish sometimes.  Hell, men do it all the time.  Sometimes you have to present a role-reversal and explain later the reasoning behind your madness.  A man is logical and needs black and white situations.  We need: this leads to this and makes this and a+b=c.  We are really that simple.  It sucks to say it but it’s the truth.  We can tell some things hurt you a little bit, but if the consequence isn’t presented then to us you are cool with it.  Say we don’t come home at night and we told you we were.  You’re going to be pissed as hell BUT if you don’t provide a consequence then we will never feel as if we shouldn’t do it again.   Consequences are the reasons people stop doing stuff.  We can even take it to work.  If you come in late everyday and nobody says anything to you.  Then why would you begin to come to work on time? The only thing that could happen is you begin to come to work even later.  On the contrary, if you receive a write up or a call from your boss, your tardiness will be stopped immediately.

Ladies, know that you are the prize.  We need you, whether we say it or not, we really do.  You all complete us. We will not admit that to you but you have to know that in your heart.  But, don’t get so hypnotized to the point that you forget that at the end of the day, you are the prize!  What you don’t want to be is foolish…


Platonic Friend

April 4, 2011

And you say that you feel
I’m the best thing in your life
And I know it’s real
I see it in your eyes
There’s no reason for me, to even feel this way
I know you just enjoy her company

I think I’m jealous of your girlfriend
Although she’s just a girl that is your friend
I think I’m jealous of your girlfriend
She shares a special part of you

Alicia Keys – Girlfriend

Fellas…the difficulties we have with having a platonic female friend is so difficult nowadays.  Although I want to blame females for it all I can’t.  It’s really our fault if we really think about it.  Most men go thru their hoe stage in their prime ages.  If you went to college, there is a huge chance these were the days.  So due to our whorish behaviors it’s actually kind of hard for women to believe that this so called female “friend” is really just a “friend.”  Especially if this “friend” is good looking.  If the friend was ugly then I promise you your partner would not be so questionable of this friendship.

Fellas…on the contrary, it is so hard to prove to a woman that this other female is just a friend it don’t make sense.  It’s damn near more difficult than calculus.  However, there are some things that could assist you in getting her to ease off your back towards this female friend.  The first step of course is to introduce this platonic friend to your significant other.  Now this could go both ways.  Because if you a man that has the gift of gab then it’s also possible to introduce your side jank to your significant other and say she’s your platonic friend.  Another example is to go on a double date with your platonic friend.  This is a better step than the initial introduction because you your significant other can now put a face on your platonic friends boo.  However, just as the initial introduction, you can also do this with your side jank.  I wouldn’t recommend this but some men are dumb enough to go that far to savor their side relationship. 

With that being stated, the key her is trust!  Not just trust in your relationship with your significant other but also your platonic friend.  I personally treat my female platonic friends like my male friends.  I call them sisters for a reason.  Just like I use the word bro I use sister.  But the same rules apply for when I use sister.  My sister knows who my significant other is and vice versa.  I’ve seen too many times people lose good friends due to a relationship.  Not only the platonic female friend but friends of the same sex as well.  Now I’m not telling you not to put 110% in your relationship but there has to be a balance.  ESPECIALLY WHEN THESE “FRIENDS” (whether same sex or opposite sex) WERE THERE BEFORE YOUR RELATIONSHIP!  You don’t want to burn bridges of those that are in your life and have your best interest at heart. 

Be true to whom you are fellas!  Keep it real from the jump.  I’m not telling you to beat the fact that a particular female is a platonic friend in her head.  However, don’t let her have to ask you “who is that?”  That’s when it begins to look funny in her eyes that she couldn’t know who this so called “friend” is.  Fellas I know I’ve said it a billion times but I cannot stop reiterating this to you’ll…COMMUNICATION IS KEY!  Let’s better our communication and it will eliminate so much grey area between men and women…