Judgmental Females

The other day a female associate had these negative statements to make towards strippers.  I was attentive to her comments, but during her judgmental rant I’m thinking to myself…does she know that I know she’s had sex with 4 people in my circle?  This happens to much in our community.  We are so quick to judge anothers without even knowing the person’s life.  This has to end in order for us as a whole to move onward and upward.  We cannot keep judging others and expect to be able to improve ourselves or our community. We need to stop focusing so much on the “faults” of others and spend more energy trying to correct our own.

But back to the stripper story…how is it possible to judge a person based on stripping?  It’s not like she’s a porn star and being paid to have sex on camera.  A stripper is just entertainment for men and women.  I hear from many women that strippers are hoe’s.  But how? Stripping is her job, not her hobby. She does it for money…not attention. And above all stripping doesn’t involve any sexual acts. If you do not know that person’s personal life, how is it possible for them to be a hoe. What bothers me the most about this situation is most people who judge others have a slight case of amnesia. But people who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones!  If a stripper equates to a hoe, what if you have more sexual partners than a stripper?  What would that make you?

It happens every day with females.  Let me give you a few examples.  Just imagine a women judging you about your hairstyle and she has a lacefront.  There is no way you can judge that women about that.  Weight is another thing women judge each other on.  It’s so easy to judge a woman because she is fat, however you don’t know that her.  While that she maybe fat she could have the confidence of a millionaire. She could have a great job, great man, and great life, while you go home alone, unhappy and bathe in your low self-esteem.  It is also very easy for your judging to turn to hate.  For instance, I remember a lot of days on campus at VCU women looking down upon women for wearing heels on a weekday around campus.  Hearing the famous statement from women “Girl, she is doing too much.”  That’s not judging, that is just hating.  Or the famous hate from a single woman towards a female in a successful relationship.  The most confrontational is the expression of sexuality.  If a woman is confident enough to know her life and what she wants from a man it is considered being a hoe.  I’m not saying go announce it to everybody however if you’re doing the same thing as she is…HOW CAN YOU JUDGE?  I could go on for days with the things women judge each about.

The bottom line to this situation is you cannot judge a person you don’t know.  You have no clue what is going on in that person’s life or the person’s situation.  The famous quote “only God can judge me” should be reiterated to people every day.  What needs to happen is everyone focus on their own personal growth and confidence. Look in the mirror before you judge the stripper or big girl, or before you decide to come out of your mouth with a contradictory statement.  Also look at your flaws and instead of continuing to make excuses for them, do something to fix them.  Judging will get you nowhere in life.  However, making improvements to yourself can never harm anyone. We KNOW better…so let’s DO better!…

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Change

In relationships change is fine, however there is a line you can cross where you’re not even being yourself.  I know some women look for change from us fellas.  Some things are for the good but when does it become too much?  You don’t want to date Geppetto and you’re Pinocchio.  So I pose the question…When is it too much change?

When I think of change for a female, the first question I ask is why?  If you’re the person that you stated and showed her you were from jump street, then why does she want you to change?  The next question, is this so called “change” for the good or for the bad.  When I say for the bad I mean, is this change she is asking for going to increase her power?  You have to recognize what she wants you to change for.  Is it for the growth of you as a person or for her to be able to control your actions.  Personal growth is something everybody should strive for not only in a relationship but in everyday life.  In your partner, you should want a person that can assist you in life and not hold you back from growth. Personal growth effects how you behave…it doesn’t change your personality or who you are. With that being said; personal growth it just that…PERSONAL. You have to want to be better and you have to want to change your ways. You can’t do it and shouldn’t do it for someone else because at the end of the day you will be unhappy and it won’t be genuine.

For example, there is one common denominator in all women when in a relationship.  They all want TIME!  Now if you were the type of person who was out all of the time, running the city, having fun with your friends, etc.  I’m not saying to continue to do those things because now you are in a committed relationship.  However, you also have to know how to balance everything in your life being that you now have someone else to consider. Finding this balance could be somewhat difficult for a man that is not used to being in a relationship.  You have to find that balance for yourself and enough for your partner to like it.  If you don’t find a way to satisfy your and your partners needs then you may have more than one party mad at you.  I’ve seen people lose friends due to their partner not wanting them to go out anymore.  Now, as a friend you have to understand that person is going to switch a few things up.  But, you cannot change your whole lifestyle. 

Fellas we also can change for the bad.  If you start a situation behaving a certain way then you cannot all of a sudden change without a reason behind it.  Especially with things such as time, attentiveness, etc.  If you started off giving her all the time she wanted or paying attention her every need it’s going to confuse her when you just stop.  You have to be consistent with who you are.  If you know you’re not the type of person that wants to spend all day with your partner then don’t do it in the beginning just to make her happy.  This turns on you and becomes a dream sold.  We have to be honest with our partner but also with ourselves.  You cannot make yourself into a person that you’re not.  Believe me that it will show at the end. You know the famous quote, “what happens in the dark, comes to the light.” 

I think everybody wants that partner who loves them for them!  Growth is essential in a relationship so of course you should want a partner with potential to grow.  “I like the person that you are, but I’m in love with the person you have potential to be” –Wale.  However, you should have a core that is not changed.  That is what makes you an individual.  In closing, be open to change however don’t be open to becoming a person nobody can recognize…

Lady in the Streets but a Freak in the Sheets

Lady in the Streets but a Freak in the Sheets

Ladies, this is the perfect woman.  However, there is a thin line that many females habitually cross.  Ladies, to be within the parameter of this quote, you have to be a LADY in the STREETS.  That is the most important (and for some most difficult) part of the quote.  Being a freak in the sheets is the easy, yet necessary and expected part. Being lady is about having decorum and carrying yourself in a way that shows that you respect yourself and thus others should respect you also. It’s not to say that you don’t enjoy sex or that you’re really a prude; but a man shouldn’t be able to look at you and know or even assume that you get down and dirty. Or hear your name (or nickname because to men jumps don’t have government names) and know what you did last weekend, last month, last year and with who!

The problem arises when the word lady is replaced by freak…Freak in the Streets!  There is a thin line between being a freak in the sheets and a freak in the streets.  It can happen without you even really doing anything.  Let’s just say you’re on twitter talking bout how your so-called yams are or how your head game is great.  Now although you might not have a lot of partners in real life, you crossed the line by telling the STREETS your business.  No man wants other men knowing how their partners sex game is.  That’s why men don’t even speak on their significant others sex game.  It’s easy to talk about a jank you just beat and it won’t nothing because you don’t care.  However, we do not want our ladies business to be known.

Ladies, nobody wants to wife the community jump.  NOBODY!  There should be no time where men can have a roundtable discussion about your sex game.  That means you’re not a LADY IN THE STREETS, however you’re the local FREAK.  The problem is, most women don’t think they are the freak in the streets and they actually are.  Let me tell you right now, men aren’t going to tell you you’re the local jump.  As men we don’t care what your thoughts are on the situation because we already have been told by other people that this LADY IN THE STREETS act you’re putting on is a fake.

Ladies please stop giving up the yams just cause and acting as if you are JUST a FREAK IN THE SHEETS.  No ma’am, you are the FREAK IN THE STREETS.  You cannot be on social networks bragging on your “yams” or head game and expect a man not to approach about just those two things.  Men only do what women allow them to do.  If we see you talking about sex all the time then that’s all were going to want.  I’m not saying you have to be in a relationship to have sex however I am saying watch the people you decide to partake in sexual acts with.  I’m tired of women getting mad because their business is out there like they did not think it would happen.  If you have sex with multiple people that know each other, best believe they are talking about you.  Stop being naïve!  Men talk just like women do.  However, this goes back to RESPECT! If you gain respect from the man before you have sex with him then the chances of him spreading your business decreases.  If you telling twitter how good your yams or your head game is…then we figure you don’t respect yourself enough to be discrete…so why should we? You must like your business to be public knowledge. Stay away from that thin line that separates a LADY in the streets and a FREAK in the streets…

Males shouldn’t be jealous, that’s a female trait

“Males shouldn’t be jealous, that’s a female trait” –Jay-Z

Fellas, we have to do better. I’ve heard too many stories of a man getting mad at another man due to his significant other cheating or something to do with his significant other. For argument sake, let’s just say your significant other cheated on you. Naturally you’re going to be mad at all parties involved. However, there is only one person to be mad at…YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER! That man did not do anything wrong except being a man. The first problem is in most situations when your significant other cheats its stemming from a situation that happened. Women do not just cheat just because. It may be petty but women will always point of 1 or 2 specific points of why they cheated. It could be that honestly you are not handling your business in the bedroom. Best believe if you aren’t then somebody is available to take your spot.  It also could be as simple as not showing or proving your love for your partner.  When a women steps out on a relationship something is missing.  She is stepping out to find whatever she feels is missing.  It could be you not taking her out, you dont listen to her or you’re always busy and dont show her attention.  Women need to feel wanted and loved.  The main defense men have is to constantly show your significant other how important she is in your life and you dont have to worry about her stepping out. Also know your role with a woman and play your position just like we ask them to, because if you have no claim to her then you look foolish getting angry and jealous over what she’s doing or who she is talking to.

The second problem is we have no clue as to what she was telling that man. She could’ve simply stated she was single and he acted accordingly. Please believe me that women sell dreams just like men do. In all actually, they are better at it than us. Women can make a man believe anything! We are simple and can be told anything by a female and believe it. However, we will be ready to a fight a man who we don’t know if it is found that your partner cheated. After the fight, win or lose, you still stuck with a woman who cheated on you and a decision has to be made if you’re going to stay with her. The biggest problem is when a woman cheats on a man it takes a piece of his pride and manhood away. Pride can lead a man to irrational decisions and when it’s all said and done, that pride is going to lead you to look stupid.

Another problem we as men have with jealousy is it leads to setting ourselves up. Never ask a woman a question that you are not prepared to answer yourself. If you know you’re going to get jealous then don’t answer it. Also, if you know if you significant other would be jealous if you answered the same question then avoid it at all cost. Please don’t set yourself up for the okie doke for example going through a phone or accusing your significant other of talking to a specific person knowing that you are doing the same thing. Your jealously can actually dig you a hole that you don’t want to be in. Because if you’re wrong then you gone look real dumb. But with that being said; fellas we need to check ourselves when we find ourselves being jealous. Because jealousy is a form of insecurity and it isn’t attractive. Furthermore over jealousy is a tell tale sign that your partner needs to pay closer attention to what you are doing because the only reason a man would be so convinced that his partner is doing dirt (especially if there are no signs or reports) is because HE is doing dirt.

In conclusion, there has to be a zero policy for jealously being shown by men. Jealously only leads to negative outcomes. There’s a thin line of not wanting a person to deal with someone else and being jealous. Don’t allow your jealously lead you to looking like Boo Boo the Fool! It has to stop and has to stop now…

Unhealthy Relationships

Unhealthy Relationships

Ladies, please refrain from staying in an unhealthy relationship for reasons that are considered excuses.  I hear to many times women giving excuses as to why they stay with a man when the writing is on the wall.  The biggest excuse I hear is the length of time of the relationship.  No matter if it is months or years, nobody deserves to be dragged through mud, there comes a point when enough is enough.  The 80/20 ratio is an equation that too many women fall into and it’s not sound in a relationship or anything in life.  If you are giving 80 and only receiving 20 then you are dumb.  No matter what situation were talking about you’re losing.  I could deal with a women saying I’m giving 60 and receiving 40 but where you want to be is 50/50.  The statement equally yoked has a key word…EQUALLY!  Without equality in the relationship then you have to work twice as hard.

What describes an unhealthy relationship?  To each his own, however for the majority it is pretty consistent across the board.

1. Physical abuse, this is self explanatory, if you stay and you’re being hit then I have no pity for you due to not caring about yourself enough to leave.

2. Mental/emotional abuse, this is tough because some people’s skin are tougher than others.  Some women can take being talked to any type of way and dish the mental and emotional abuse back.  However, it is up to you ladies to know yourself!  If you know you do not want this type of abuse then please don’t subject yourself to such.

3. Your needs and wants not being met or even attempted to be met.  In prior blogs, I stated communication is the key and in this dog eat dog world closed mouths don’t get fed.  Let your needs and wants be known, WELL KNOWN.  By telling a man your wants and needs you’re creating a paper trail of what you did in order to avoid an unhealthy relationship.

4. INSECURITY is a big problem in relationships.  Whether the insecurity is from the male or female, it still causes the relationship to be unhealthy.  Any relationship with insecurities in them lack trust and without trust you don’t have a relationship.  Trust is necessary in order to have growth in the relationship.  Naturally you want to have a partner you don’t have to question and know without a doubt has your best interest at heart.

 5. I’m a title this one Dream Chasers.  This is when it’s a sex only relationship and a partner is expecting something more.  When a person is thinking millions and the partner is thinking dollars there is no way the partnership is going to work.  When you’re in a relationship, it is no longer about what each other wants individually, however as a team how can we succeed as much as possible.  There is nowhere to go once you’ve reached a dead end but to turn around and start a new route to happiness.  Sex is great, however if you’re looking for something more from a person then it is clearly unhealthy to remain in a relationship that started with and has only been about sex.  Believe me, it will also end with sex.

There have been situations where I’ve seen a person going down a one way street.  When you’re going down a one way street then you’re not only not receiving anything, you are driving to a place of no return.  If a man is not doing the necessary things to keep you then clearly he does not want you. There is a zero tolerance of unhealthy relationships.  Even if it is just a friendship, why still be friends with a person that uses you?  Men manipulate situations when it is presented to us that it is possible to manipulate.  We as men, only do what you women allow us to do.  I know I’m beating a dead horse but it cannot be stated enough that women have the power.  Do not allow yourself to be run over and not receive what you deserve.  You are the prize and deserve to be treated as such…

Love vs. Like…

Love vs.Like

“I bet if I give all my love, then nothing’s gonna tear us apart” –Drake – Find your Love

Fellas the hardest word for us to let loose in a relationship is that L bomb!  One of the most awkward feelings is when your lady friend says “I love you” and you are stuck there caught of guard and confused.  Let me be the first to tell you…DON’T SAY IT BACK IF YOU DON’T MEAN IT! When you say it, it puts you in a category some men are not ready for.  Women are driven by emotions/feelings and love is real for them.  For the most part, women love way harder than men.  You thought everything was a problem when she liked you, wait till you all get to the love stage.  Things change immediately.

When I think of the difference of love vs. like, I first think of what happened to get to the love stage.  I have been on both sides of the field. I’ve reall meant the statement and I’ve just said it to get out of an argument.  When I didn’t mean it, it definitely showed. I did the same things as I was doing when I liked her.  A person on twitter said the difference is “a person you like you tolerate and a person you love you can’t live without.”  This statement is very true!  ‘Like’ is scratching the surface and love is deep; it’s knowing everything about that person and caring for them flaws and all. I have lost a person I’ve liked and it was very easy to just move on like she was nobody.  When you lose a person you love though, it’s hard to shake that feeling.

Love is an unconditional feeling for a person.  Like is conditional.  Let’s switch unconditional for unrestricted and conditional to restricted.  When you are in love there are no restrictions to what you would do for that person.  You can’t be in love and never come thru in the clutch for your partner.  That is a restriction.  If your partner feels like she can’t count on you when things hit the fan then love is not in the situation.  When you like a person it is easy to say no, because you have restrictions and things that you will not do.  When you have restrictions in a relationship then love is not there.  There should be nothing that you will not do for your partner if you love them.  If you love a person there should not be a moment you want them to be sad. 

As men we don’t know how to initially identify love.  Then we have to go through trying to figure out what’s wrong (when we probably already know).  We have to go through the “What’s wrong babe” and she replies “nothing.”  So be sure before you say “I love you” you’re ready to be unrestricted for what you are willing to do.  There are no boundaries set on a women’s love for her man and they expect the same in return.  Just think before you decide…