In relationships change is fine, however there is a line you can cross where you’re not even being yourself.  I know some women look for change from us fellas.  Some things are for the good but when does it become too much?  You don’t want to date Geppetto and you’re Pinocchio.  So I pose the question…When is it too much change?

When I think of change for a female, the first question I ask is why?  If you’re the person that you stated and showed her you were from jump street, then why does she want you to change?  The next question, is this so called “change” for the good or for the bad.  When I say for the bad I mean, is this change she is asking for going to increase her power?  You have to recognize what she wants you to change for.  Is it for the growth of you as a person or for her to be able to control your actions.  Personal growth is something everybody should strive for not only in a relationship but in everyday life.  In your partner, you should want a person that can assist you in life and not hold you back from growth. Personal growth effects how you behave…it doesn’t change your personality or who you are. With that being said; personal growth it just that…PERSONAL. You have to want to be better and you have to want to change your ways. You can’t do it and shouldn’t do it for someone else because at the end of the day you will be unhappy and it won’t be genuine.

For example, there is one common denominator in all women when in a relationship.  They all want TIME!  Now if you were the type of person who was out all of the time, running the city, having fun with your friends, etc.  I’m not saying to continue to do those things because now you are in a committed relationship.  However, you also have to know how to balance everything in your life being that you now have someone else to consider. Finding this balance could be somewhat difficult for a man that is not used to being in a relationship.  You have to find that balance for yourself and enough for your partner to like it.  If you don’t find a way to satisfy your and your partners needs then you may have more than one party mad at you.  I’ve seen people lose friends due to their partner not wanting them to go out anymore.  Now, as a friend you have to understand that person is going to switch a few things up.  But, you cannot change your whole lifestyle. 

Fellas we also can change for the bad.  If you start a situation behaving a certain way then you cannot all of a sudden change without a reason behind it.  Especially with things such as time, attentiveness, etc.  If you started off giving her all the time she wanted or paying attention her every need it’s going to confuse her when you just stop.  You have to be consistent with who you are.  If you know you’re not the type of person that wants to spend all day with your partner then don’t do it in the beginning just to make her happy.  This turns on you and becomes a dream sold.  We have to be honest with our partner but also with ourselves.  You cannot make yourself into a person that you’re not.  Believe me that it will show at the end. You know the famous quote, “what happens in the dark, comes to the light.” 

I think everybody wants that partner who loves them for them!  Growth is essential in a relationship so of course you should want a partner with potential to grow.  “I like the person that you are, but I’m in love with the person you have potential to be”Wale.  However, you should have a core that is not changed.  That is what makes you an individual.  In closing, be open to change however don’t be open to becoming a person nobody can recognize…

2 Responses to Change

  1. lorenzo says:

    Good stuff.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Changing for someone else is always a bad idea. Growing in a relationship you think is worth the effort isn’t. I think you’re right it has to be personal and something want. The key is being honest and open with your partner. Because quite frankly, some things never change.

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