Per Webster, Growing Pains secondary definition is the difficulties experienced in the early stages of an enterprise. Let’s replace enterprise with relationship and we can all agree that Growing Pains happens in every relationship. The question is how do you deal with them? Do you run or do you stay? Do you complain or do you fix it? Do you go with your brain or your heart?
Growing pains in a relationship can come in every shape or form. It could be small as a mustard seed or as large as Mount Everest. It can come in the beginning in the form of not knowing if you’ll are monogamous. Later in the relationship it can come in the form of cheating. It doesn’t matter the size of the pain the fact is it still is pain. Some have thicker skin than others. Some have a higher tolerance for pain.
This topic came up this past weekend while visiting my dad and his wife. While at lunch for father’s day they spoke about growing pains. It was a positive conversation as I left understanding this happens no matter the age or no matter the relationship. They have been together for 16 years and expressed to me they still go through the growing pains. My step mother actually stated “We’ve had issues to the fact I don’t want him to touch me.” She then followed that up with a powerful statement, “But, not once did I have the thought of leave him.” That is exactly how you attack this so called pain. The one thing is true about pain, it hurts. When something hurts the initial thought of any human wants to feel better. To feel better you must face the pain head on and fix what happened to cause the pain.
COMMUNICATION! This is the first and most important step in facing the growing pains. Of course, depending on the situation, you may need some time to actually speak about the pain. But, the fact is, you will have to speak about it or it will continue to hurt. If your partner lied to you, then gain the knowledge to understand what made your partner lie. The greatest part of communication is 1. It gives you knowledge of your partner and 2. You may see some things within yourself that caused the lie.
Number 2 is a tough pill to swallow but it may be a necessary pill to swallow. It is a difficult thing to accept feedback that you may not agree with. What will always stand the test of time is the truth hurts. The truth could be, due to a past situation the person is scared of telling you the truth. Maybe you are argumentative and your partner is just trying to avoid an argument. This is in no way an excuse to lie. Lying is never the best option in any situation. Lying will just lead to a bigger argument in the long run. It is best for both partners to be prepared for the truth and to talk it out.
The worst thing possible is to allow the growing pains to steer you away from the relationship. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Better yet, the grass could be worst on the other side. Growing pains definitely have different levels to them. The scale of growing pains is boundless.
Growing pains are alive and well in every relationship. Every relationship goal should be to deal with the growing pain and allow the pain the uplift the relationship. Growing pains build skin to any relationship. Nothing will be perfect, but how will you handle it when its not…